Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Sweet Loss of Motherhood

As each day passes and I take Sivanna to day care, I feel more and more strongly a sense of loss, sweet loss. This is her last year going to daycare prior to starting school and I know it's the end of an era so to speak. For me, it signifies the end of my baby. Her babyhood. That sweet time for a mother when all is well; a mix of the new excitement of having a new life in your world and the thrill of motherhood. The biggest sensation I have is losing this net of safety and control that this age seems to provide. Perhaps motherhood is meant to be this way so it can ease us into the changes and experiences life offers it's participants; a gradual integration. The daycare seems so safe and serene. Not only the daycare will I miss, but weekday mornings spent at Ballet or Kindergym. These places also feel safe and let me escape from the rigours of the adult world. They are moments in time that see to stand still. I love chatting with the other parents, grandparents and caretakers of the children. I love seeing the joy of the children expressing their newly found selves, moment by moment. At these events I get to be both a child again and proud new parent... so sweet are both of these. I am open to change and love the new experiences life has to offer but my mother's heart knows she will miss these moments more than I can say.... ah the bittersweet joy of motherhood.